Dressed in Black

Today I’m in mourning
Mourning the death of my life
I buried my heart this afternoon, in a small quiet ceremony
Under the slow setting sun
Ironic that the setting sun would bring on the constant darkness
Wandering with the ghostly shadows, I feel I am home
The twisted souls, those lost between Heaven & Hell
Those, those are my comforters
The path of the lonely is my sad journey
It’s hard when only the dead are my companions
I only heard the myths never believed it was true
But now I see the ugliness and feel lower than death.

Dressed in black symbolizes the colour of the dark place
Where my heart once resided
Who am I? What have I become? What controls me?
Is this what the aftermath, the ugly side looks like
I look through eyes where there is no colour
Dark shades and rain surround me
I am now one of the shadows
When the light goes out, all hope and everything else goes too
The noises in my head get louder and louder
Feels like my head is going to explode
Then is all stops
It becomes quiet this void should be filled with my heart beats
But that is silent and gone
The silence gets louder and becomes unbearable

I start screaming inside just to break the horrible silence
But this becomes tiring, leaving me breathless
I need to end this get away from the darkness but
. . . . . . . But I cannot.
And I’m still dressed in black
I don’t know if its night or day anymore
But today I find myself lost, I think how can I be lost when I’m already lost
And yet it’s an even more unfamiliar place
I notice an unsightly darker image approach
And suddenly feel this sharp piercing blade
Tear into my chest ripping through organs and stopping against my spine

I stood there blood dripping from my chest
I could even hear the drops splatter to the floor
I think for the first time I smiled
It’s over finally, ah yes death becomes me
I can rest now the pain will end
I slowly fall to the ground
And laid there drowning in my own blood
Yes it’s over
But what seemed like eternity, still was dark and cold
My smile faded away….. No .. It was more like ripped from my face
When I realized you cannot die if you are lower than death
I stood up the blood was dry my wound was closed
I couldn’t feel the pain, nothing was worse than the pain I already felt
I guess this is my destiny to wander lost amongst the dark and dead
Alone and just a shadow and still
. . . Still Dressed in black!

My Thoughts

I have been thinking, Is there a God out there? Don't get me wrong I believe in God but recently I have been asking my self questions " Is there a God, or Has God turn his back on us", could we be that bad that he has turned his back on most of us. As a young boy in boarding school I did not study my only source for reading was the Holy Bible for two years I read it back to back and unfortunately being young I guess I didn't understand much of what I read but I believed there was a God, yet I have still had many questions. Then I woke this morning I intended on writing in my blog why I questioned if there is a God, here are some of my thoughts,

1. I questioned the existence of dinosaurs, they did once walk the earth we have fossils and proof but in my thoughts where was Adam and Eve?
2. I questioned with pain in my heart how some babies are born blind, or deaf or unable to walk and some with other disabilities, why so cruel to such innocence.?
3. I questioned how I could suffer with so many problems for more than a year and then when I thought the New Year would be better it gets worse.

So hence my thoughts on if God existed, I took out my bible this morning, to look for answers and I only came up with the answer to question one, and that was Genesis 1 verse 20 to 23 that was the 5TH day and back then a day according to science could have been a few million years, so i guess dinosaurs walked the earth way before Adam was created, and when you look at Genesis 1 verse 24 a new type of living creature was created on the beginning of the 6TH day and Adam was created later on in the day, So I say ok that answers my first question. On question two I could not find anything nor could I on question three. So maybe God is there but has just turned his back on me. Well my quest continues maybe one day I will find out the truth maybe.